Dear hydrangea plant,
I love you very much. You are very sweet and green in the back yard. However, despite my best efforts, you refuse to flower. At all. I've added a picture below, from Helmingham Hall (not far away, so it's not the climate), of the general direction you should be aiming in.
P.S. I think Grandma has been making jam and not telling us. Mmmmmm best jam in the world....